Positive discipline means finding the balance between firmness and benevolence in education for the good development and fulfillment of your child.
According to Jane Nelsen, it helps “to help children develop essential life skills, while fully benefiting from a relationship based on trust and mutual respect”.
Tips to manage daily life with my child and help take confidence in him: the ATTACHMENT to ROUTINE , through a good dose of HUMOR ... all the tools to be parents ZEN.
A for Attachment: What is attachment?
Attachment is your baby's vital need for security . He needs to feel protected and secure. The more you respond to his specific needs, the more he will feel he can count on you…. And the more secure and confident he will feel.
B for Benevolence; What is benevolence?
Benevolence is an understanding of the child's world, its needs, its functioning, its stage of development, it is knowing how to put yourself in his place. It is taking him into consideration, making sure he feels understood so that he develops his confidence in himself and in the other. It is knowing that a child does not reason like an adult.
C for Confidence; What is Confidence?
Your child gains self-confidence if he develops the feeling of feeling capable and if he feels safe to dare to experiment, test and explore.
Its path of progression towards autonomy is being built step by step. Each time he manages to master a task, the child strengthens his self-confidence and finds the courage necessary to continue his learning by developing the pleasure of learning at the same time as autonomy and the taste for effort.
Primary trust develops in the assurance of being understood and of having value in the eyes of the other.
D for Dedicated time, What is dedicated time or availability?
Being available for your child is a decision: to live in the present moment with him so that it is as qualitative as possible.
To open a space in oneself to welcome and join him, to be connected to your child to meet his needs as closely as possible, while remaining in the respect of oneself and him, this is what being available.
To open a space in oneself to welcome and join him, to be connected to your child to meet his needs as closely as possible, while remaining in the respect of oneself and him, this is what being available.
Being available for your child is a decision: to live in the present moment with him so that it is as qualitative as possible.
E for Encourage, What is to encourage?
“Encouragement is to the child what water is to the plant”. We owe this beautiful metaphor to Rudolf Dreikurs, a pupil of Alfred Adler, who was able to model his thought and make it more accessible.
To encourage is to instill the strength and courage to try, to dare, to make mistakes and to continue to strive to get there.
Encouragement focuses on progress and not on the result to develop the pleasure of learning from an early age.
F for Firmness; What is firmness?
Firmness is a notion that is inseparable from benevolence. It guarantees respect for the adult, the instructions, the setting and the needs of the situation.
It allows to stay the educational course while involving the child in a cooperative mode. It is about doing with it, inviting the child to build together rather than imposing, ordering or getting things done.
G for Managing your emotions, What is emotion management?
Anger, anguish, surprise, joy, a child who does not sleep, a child who screams, crises… so many signs that reflect the richness of the baby's emotional life.
The baby has a very rich emotional life without yet having the words to share it in an elaborate way.
Thanks to those around him, the more he grows, the more he will learn to identify what he feels, to express it and to adjust his behavior to adapt to his environment.
H for Humor, What is humor?
Humor helps take life on the bright side. It is also a useful strategy to play down the small difficulties of everyday life and to look at certain behaviors of the little one with more lightness.
Humor is a skill that develops throughout childhood and adolescence and which is based on the sensitivity associated with intelligence, on the ability to play (in a situation, in a relationship) and on the ability to summon joy.
I like Involving children rather than submitting them, What does that Involving?
Involving the child by taking into account his level of development develops his feeling of being capable. Getting involved invites us not to “do for” but to “do with”. Human beings are naturally predisposed to be in touch, to contribute.
Involve as:
- Motivate
- Inspire
- To contribute
- Help
- Building together
- Train and invite
- Building together
- Boost
J for Enjoy and PLAY, What does that Play?
Play is a source of well-being and learning, play is the child's natural language. Each time we play with our baby, we open up a space for creativity, a ground to explore, and it is also a complicity and a pleasure to share.
Play is fundamental in the neurological development of children while promoting the pleasure of learning and well-being: while playing, they constantly develop new synaptic connections.
K for Kilos of hugs; Why are hugs important?
Hugs help create a sensory bubble of well-being for the baby and his / her parent (s). But the benefits of the hug do not stop there: security, physical proximity, source of comfort, appeasement and shared pleasure.
John Bowlby, a British psychiatrist who pioneered attachment theories in the 1960s / 1970s, emphasized the importance of the embrace in building the bond between child and parent.
L for LINK; Why is the link important?
The link is essential for the development of the identity of the little one. The bond is a relationship that is built day after day by taking time.
Being in touch is an essential need of the human being who is built with the other.
The link is essential for the development of the identity of the little one.
M for Mirror; What is the mirror effect?
The mirror effect will allow the child to take a step towards awareness of himself and of the other.
If the parent makes a face or frowns, the child will imitate the facial expression, which will likely make the adult and the child smile.
N for No, Why is the "no" important?
To say "no" is to allow the child to grow up secure by the benchmark limits, when these are set with firmness and benevolence. It is also respecting your own limits as a parent, those of the setting and the situation.
No like ...
- Frame
- security
- Limits
O for Opportunities; Why are opportunities important?
From birth, life is a succession of opportunities to be seized. When the child grows up, making mistakes or doing something stupid are all opportunities to train to acquire missing skills or to develop them, under the benevolent gaze of his parent (s).
P for Progress step by step:
What does it mean to go "Progress step by step"?
Encouraging the progress of the child, showing the progress made is then more important than the result in itself.
Taking small steps is also learning to walk confidently on the path to parenthood, by setting realistic and reasonable goals.
Q for Quotidian; Everyday; Why is everyday life important?
Neurosciences today support the fact that a benevolent, stable and secure environment on a daily basis promotes the proper development of the child's brain.
All lived experiences impact neuronal weaving. So each moment lived serenely, in benevolent firmness , allows the little child to build a base and a secure attachment , from which he can explore the world around him.
And it is also in these reassuring everyday experiences that he builds the bases of his integration, that is to say his internal connections, which allows him to be connected to himself, but also to his entourage and to the world.
R for ROUTINES, What are "routines"?
As the child grows, it can be associated with building and setting up the ritual / routine.
Routines punctuate the child's day by setting predictable benchmarks, reinforcing the feeling of security.
The child knows what is expected, in what order things will unfold, promoting exploration and empowerment. Gradually, we build the routines together.
S like Simulite that you him..; What does "Simulite that you him"?
Interpretations of our child's behavior, reactions and responses will gradually refine our understanding of his world.
Putting yourself in your child's shoes is trying to understand what he feels, what he thinks and motivates him.
This makes it possible to meet their needs as accurately as possible and to create a benevolent atmosphere by putting themselves in their place, both literally and figuratively.
T for Time; What is time?
Time can be considered in a quantitative and qualitative way.
Time to play, time to laugh, to observe to accompany his child. Time for hugs, kisses, babywearing . Time to train and integrate new skills. Take a break to learn to manage your emotions.
The time of the moment: the smaller the child, the less he projects himself into time, he is in the here and now.
Time for yourself to educate your child in a peaceful way.
U for Unison; What is it to be in unison?
Being in unison with your child means adapting to their development while respecting their rhythm and stage of development.
On a daily basis, it will be a question of synchronizing a gesture, an expression to facilitate learning by imitation.
V for Ordinary Violence; What is ordinary violence?
Verbal and psychological violence : shouting, insulting, mocking, humiliating, lying, threatening, making guilty, rejecting, emotional blackmail, denigrating - including in front of others ...
Physical violence : slapping, spanking, pinching, pulling ears or hair, kicking, shaking, brutally grabbing, pushing, pushing, forcing the child in an uncomfortable position, depriving him of food
Ordinary violence is a form of violence not perceived as such because it is accepted by society. However, whatever it is, it has harmful consequences on the development and the physical and psychological health of the child.
W for WWW; What is WWW?
WWW is about getting information to better understand. It means identifying your educational GPS, sharing your parents' daily life on the social networks of your choice and asking questions through the mpedia site.
Many parents find it difficult to set limits, set rules and fear imposing frustrations on their children.
X for XX / XY; What is XX / XY?
Having a girl or a boy is not trivial. It happens that the future parents, sometimes even before the conception of a child, have a preference for a gender.
Sometimes their desires are fulfilled, and sometimes they have to deal with the disappointment of seeing the birth of a child of the opposite sex to the one desired.
The representations that we have in terms of the difference between the sexes participate in the identity formation of the child. What are your expectations, your projections, your beliefs in this area?
Y for eyes; Why are eyes important?
Baby seeks the eyes of those who take care of him. Intense gaze, mirror gaze, the eyes are an essential vector in non-verbal communication and in the learning of the little one.
The look changes with the age of the child.
Around 6 weeks the newborn can follow an object with his eyes.
Around 3 months, the infant looks at his hands and around him while turning his head.
Z for ZEN; What does it mean to be Zen?
Taking care of yourself in "zenitude" is necessary to do our best with our children.
Taking the time to fill our reservoir of vital energy is essential.
Each day, we can decide to set one or more small times to fill our reservoir of vital energy, whatever the mode. The formula varies a lot from one person to another, because each has its own ecology (for some, it will be a nap, for others a walk, for others still a time with friends, eg).